On Falling In Love With My Best Friend and Why I’m Well and Truly Fucked.-- A Bisexual Love Story

I have a dilemma: I am in love with my best friend.

This is a problem for so many reasons and the only way I’m getting through it is by writing so I guess I’ll post it here. Maybe someone can help, maybe it will help someone. Maybe it will just be cathartic.

I’ll start at the beginning, and then explain why I’m well and truly fucked.

We’ve been best friends for almost three years now. We always lived in the same area and were acquaintances but never attended the same school so we weren’t particularly close- our paths never crossed to allow it. However, almost three years ago, a bizarre twist of fate meant we ended up chatting. We discovered we had the same music taste and a similar sense of humor and never looked back since.

Two and a half years later, we chat everyday, have been to seven concerts together and have had some incredible experiences.

But in the past few weeks, I have developed an extreme crush on my best friend. Whenever we’re together, I no longer just see my best friend but lips I want to kiss and hair I want to put my hands in and hands I want to hold. But this is really, really, really bad.

My best friend is a girl. And I’m a girl.I always think I'm straight before.So I found I'm bisexual from then.

I live in a very rural area where religion reigns supreme and heterosexuality is the only acceptable form of love. My parents would not approve. My family is well-known and respected in the way families of a certain type are in rural areas, the type that go to church on a Sunday and all volunteer within said church, and your mother volunteers with the local centre and your father coaches the local football team and your sisters are both excellent football players and you’re a straight A student and everyone views your family as perfect and your family makes sure this is the way, perfecting and refining a facade you wouldn’t dare shatter. Loving a girl isn’t an option. Ever.Lesbian is just weird from their eyes.

And then there’s the problem of whether my friend would ever like me back and god, I never wanted to like girls and I had convinced myself I liked guys, I did-I did-I did and maybe I do but I just like her more.

And whenever I used to listen to live songs I used to roll my eyes or related them to my OTP but now everything is her, and it’s always been her I think, I’ve just realised it recently but god, it can’t be her.

And I’m caught in this limbo of crying and wishing and writing and listening to She by Dodie Clark and crying some more.

I feel trapped, suffocated and I can’t escape.

I’m just going to keep writing about her until I figure it out.

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